Being One, But Two

I find it funny when people say, 'someone completes them'. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against love and everything that comes with it, on the contrary, I am a hopeless romantic, a strong believer of love and everything in between but I just can’t wrap my head around the theory of needing someone to be complete. Needing someone to be complete and needing someone to compliment you are two different things and it’s sad that we can’t tell the difference.

While most of you believe you are in love, you are not. You simply just love the person in question and it’s not the same as being in love with ‘em. In fact, both terms are worlds apart. Being in love with someone makes you put that person before yourself, you want to be sure that the person in question is doing well before you even address your personal concerns.

In doing this, you must be careful to make sure it’s not one-sided. While you’re rooting for someone you care so much about, let them also be rooting for you. Now if you understand how this works, you’d agree with me when I say, you don’t need anybody to complete you cause while both of you are complimenting each other, you are also existing as two different people in their own worlds.

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I once had a young lady track me down to my father’s house because she wanted to talk to me, I was scared at first. Why would you go through the trouble of looking for me and even come to my family house? Mad o!

I was low key troubled sha, what could I have done this time? Me that like wahala😂but Mafo!😤When she came to the house, she met my mum and I outside but she didn’t know me, she didn’t know I was the one she was looking for, apparently, someone had recommended me to her. So she told my mother what she wanted or rather, who she wanted and my mum just turned to me and whispered, “God keeps bringing them to you, trust Him. I’ll leave you guys now” and she went inside. I spent a good number of my time just staring at her while praying in my insides and if there’s one thing I could sense from the intense stare I gave, it was fear. I asked her what she was afraid of, she just said, “the way you look at me, it’s like you are seeing right through me, like I can’t hide anything from you and there’s so much i don’t want you to see. I’m scared you wouldn’t want to talk to me again”. In all honesty, I didn’t see jack! I’m not God, I only saw a lady who was afraid.

So I just asked her to not to hide anything from me because that way, her visit would be useless and then she started talking. Cried inbetween but kept talking and I listened, it was so much to take in but I was confident that we(myself and her) would go through everything together and come out strong because I know God would never send someone to me without giving me the strength to welcome and accept their truth while helping ‘em discover His truth.

One of the things I discovered from the moments I shared with her was that asides from life’s unfairness to her, so many things that happened to her took place because of how she felt about herself. She felt she wasn’t complete. She believed she needed a man to be complete and no matter how badly he treated her, she’d manage till she came across a new one because she couldn’t bear to be “incomplete”. It took series of talking, reading, confronting, rediscovery and God’s help to make her realize that she was all she needed, after God, of course.

When I see her today, I can’t but smile. Such a beautiful woman with an amazing soul and so much confidence, I don’t even think, I’m half as confident as she is and it gives me so much joy seeing her like that. The last time I saw her, she was glowing in God’s goodness, I was privileged to watch her sing in a small gathering and I was happy, I was proud of her. When she came to meet me, I couldn’t but cry, we hugged and prayed but the tears didn’t stop. I smiled as reality hit me, she no longer felt the need to have someone complete her, she had let God perfect His work.

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I know love preaches compromise but I need us to understand that there are certain things we should never abandon, one being, having a life outside of your relationship. This is where “being one, yet two...”, comes in.

Your life doesn’t have to stop because you are in a relationship nor does it have to take a U-turn towards a direction that doesn’t fit, it should rather be the opposite.

If you feel incomplete, work on yourself. Get what you need to be whole, not by waiting for someone’s son or daughter to make you whole. They are merely but a fraction of themselves and if you love them as you claim, you’d push them to be the best in their own worlds while you strive to make yourself the best version of you.

A friend of mine once told me she couldn’t do anything without her boyfriend, their lives had been perfectly woven together. They liked the same things and were involved in the same things, it was beautiful but I feared for her, I’m not a pessimist but I feared for what would become of her when it eventually ended, I just knew it would end and it did. She was broken, bitter, drained and most of all, empty. I didn’t want to say I saw it coming but it sucked that I did.

However, we went through it together, started from scratch, because why not? Did a lot of refueling, rebuilding and renovating and believe me, it was a beautiful one.

It’s one of the few reasons I love Simi and Adekunle Gold, I like to think they are a perfect blend, while they are both into music and their collaborations are always a blast, they both have their various worlds. Simi has hers and Kunle has his, and although, they often involve themselves in each other’s worlds because they are not just couples but best friends, they also know not to tamper with the other’s own and if that’s not it, I don’t know what is.

~ Subtle reminder, it is okay to be one and still two💙