Scarred.

Ever wondered what it’d be like to be flawless? To not be scarred in any way possible and I’m not just talking about the physical. Like do you sometimes just sit down and ponder on what it’d be like to have a skin as clear as gold, no acne, no stretch marks, no constant reminder of the battles you’ve fought especially the ones you lost, no freckles either and a body gifted with all the curves that can make Hades lose his footing, then to top it all, a heart as pure as gold, untainted innocence or a mind so intelligible you scare ignorance away, like to just be perfect? Have you? because I have. And no, I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not ashamed to say I used to wish I was as perfect as the moon, a blend of light and darkness. How she stands on her own in the clouds with shades of light and darkness, not judging the clouds for being so cloudy and not judging the stars for starring, understanding that everyone is beautiful in their own way and although she has had a feel of both worlds, still has no judgement against one whatsoever. I have learnt a lot from the moon, I enjoy watching her and although we don’t talk so often, her lifestyle is one I admire. She has taught me the essence of balance, the need for darkness in order to value shine. 

One of the problems majority of us have is that we fail to come to terms with our scars, we so badly want to erase it and we don’t care if the process hurts, all we really want, is to get rid of the scars. We don’t want to accept our imperfections. We strive so much much for perfection and in the course, lose the beauty of not being perfect. In a world as crazy as the one we live in, I know it’s hard, really hard to accept all your flaws especially when 'flawless' is a trending hashtag for anything good but we can’t but accept our flaws, because the only way to ever truly be flawless, is to embrace your flaws. 

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I’ve always had people tell me how beautiful they think I’ll look without the scar just by the corner of my right eye and I used to wonder too, I sought for ways to hide it, don’t let it show. I just wanted to cover it up and of course, one easy way was applying makeup on it but I’m not really big on the whole face painting thingy so I didn’t take that route. That didn’t mean I stopped searching for other ways to hide it though, I was always conscious of the scar and whenever anyone asked about it, I’d shy away from answering them. I thought it was easier pretending like the scar wasn’t there until I discovered it was just as hard as hiding meat stolen directly from the cooking pot in my mouth(I used to steal meat a lot back then😂). I had to accept the scar, I needed to accept it and that was what I did. I didn’t need to cover it or look for ways to. Why hide my story when I can tell it with so much pride? So when anyone asks me about the scar at the corner of my right eye, I just smile and tell them the story of a strong child, a beautiful brave stubborn but strong child. I gradually started accepting all of the things that flawed me, it made me more beautiful and I didn’t need nobody to tell me. I was radiating in so much beauty to not notice it. 

I’ve been scarred too, not only physically but emotionally. For years, I’ve wanted to erase so many memories, I begged God severally to let me go back in time to change certain things so I could be 'scarless' but He never answered me. I wanted to get mad at Him but I couldn’t so I decided to use His words against Him. I reminded Him of a part of the scripture that says, “be ye Holy even as your Heavenly Father is Holy” and that I was anything but holy, I wasn’t even close. I wanted Him to feel guilty and perhaps, He’d let me go back and change certain things but He didn’t. Rather, He comforted me and taught me. Taught me how to love myself(my scars inclusive), and taught me His word. He had forgiven and FORGOTTEN my past so why did I have to go back to change something that wasn’t in His records anymore? 

So many of us are scarred, physically and emotionally, emphasis on 'emotionally', and have found peace a term we can’t easily associate with, mostly because we have buried ourselves in those scars, those flaws, so much that we fail to see that we are gradually losing our essence. Our beauty. I tell you this, beauty is in acceptance. If you haven’t accepted all the things that make you you, you can’t be beautiful in the eyes of someone else, no matter how much concealing you do.

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Here’s a brief assignment for you 

~ Make a list of the scars you have and why you have 'em, the things that have scarred you, your flaws and other things you are trying so hard to ignore about yourself. 

~ Accept it as a part of you, a beautifully broken part of you. 

~ Remind yourself that these things only make you art because art is a story and you are a story.

~ Now tell that story with all of the bravery born in you, don’t shy away from that story. Don’t hide you from you.

Most importantly, let God help you because at the end of the day, we really are nothing but pencils in the hand of the creator(I don’t know why I wrote this but we move🚶🏾‍♀️)